i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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