Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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