just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Randomize
