Where is the hickey?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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