i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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