I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
