Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
