I just made out with a guy for $7.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The air was thick with penises
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
