i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
