what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
