nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
