I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
