I'm eating all of the evidence.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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