I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
