yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
