yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
