Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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