I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
