I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
