phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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