Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Randomize
