so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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