what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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