things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
