Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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