How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize