my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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