Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
