Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize