dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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