I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
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