Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
