I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
