You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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