She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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