You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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