also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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