Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
