Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
