I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize