So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
