Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
