literally had 100 drinks last night.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
