on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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