ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
