i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Less talking, more tequila
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
