we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
