so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
