she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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