Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
