Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
