I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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