It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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