...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
