i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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