1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
