it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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