I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize