Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
did i just pee glitter
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
