he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
