Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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