I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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