People with herpes should wear stickers.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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