I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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