She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
