Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
