somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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