I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
