apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
