it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
