Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
My dick has a subreddit
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
