I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Nicole vs. Life
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
