So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
