I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
