Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize