Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
