haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
