peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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