I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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