I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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