Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
pop tarts are not kleenex
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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