hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
