This dress was meant to end up on your floor
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
