oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
