he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize