i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
