There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
